Me and My Two Hearts
by MirandaTam42
Summary: Takes place at the end of Flesh and Stone in Team Starkid's MAMD universe, which basically means that people's hearts are personified. Drabble. Doctor Who. 11th Doctor Amy Pond.


This is a oneshot drabbly crossover between Doctor Who and Team Starkid's play Me and My Dick, in the way that it takes place at the end of Flesh and Stone but is in the MAMD universe. There's no warning on this because it focuses only on their Hearts.

"I'm getting married in the morning."

"I see."

"I ran away with a strange man in the middle of the night before my wedding."

"Bit awkward."

Amy shifted on her bed and turned toward The Doctor. "Traveling with you has given me a lot of time to think about what I want. About who I want."

"Ah ha." The Doctor quit staring at the wall and looked at her. "What?"

"WHO I want." Amy gave him a significant look.

"Oh, you want the good looking one now?"

"No! Let me put this in a way even you can understand." Without warning, Amy lunged towards The Doctor and pressed her mouth against his. The Doctor let out a gasp of surprise that Amy mistook as pleasure. She opened her mouth and pushed her tongue into The Doctor's mouth, whose brain hadn't quite caught up with what was happening and went with it for a moment. And then it clicked.

"Amy!" The Doctor shoved her away from him. "No, no, Amy this can't happen with us."

"And why not?" She asked, struggling slightly against The Doctor's arms.

"Because- because I'm old! I never age and I'm 900 years old."

"So?"

"SO?" The Doctor dropped him hold on Amy. "I'll be the same and you'll grow old and die someday, this'll never work!"

"I don't have anything quite that long term in mind," breathed Amy, her face flushed as she dived for him again.

The Doctor was prepared for it this time and pushed her away before she could kiss him. "Amy! Listen! I can't do this. Would you like to know why?"

"It'd better be more convincing than your stupid age excuse."

The Doctor stood up and said, "All timelords have two hearts." He put both hands behind his back for a moment and then pulled them to the front, holding a hand of each of his hearts who now stood on either side of him. Amy's own heart came out on her own accord and everyone stared at each other.

The Doctor's Hearts looked nearly identical. Both of them had young faces, frayed and weathered but still red clothes, and of course, both of them had bowties. They differed in their hair and eyes; his right heart had pure white hair and cloudy gray eyes that reflected his true age. Meanwhile, his left heart looked younger with curly silver locks and bright sparkling green eyes. It was unnerving how well they captured both The Doctor's age and his energy.

The Doctor's first impression of Amy's heart was that Donna Noble had just walked into the room. It wasn't so much because of how she looked, red and frecly like Amy, but her stance and face clearly read 'no nonsense, extreme sass ahead.'

"Amy and heart, meet my hearts. This is Righty, he hardly speaks, and this is Lefty, he never shuts up."

"Hello!" grinned Lefty with an ecstatic wave. Righty simply nodded and regarded Amy and her heart with the same casual expression he'd had the whole time.

"I like the looks of both of you, if that was the problem," said Amy's heart to The Doctor's hearts.

"It isn't that hon," said Lefty. "There's the issue of age and us having to share you."

"And what about what I had in mind?" asked Amy. "What do our hearts have to do with us having a shag or two?"

"Whenever people have what uou're thinking about they connect emotionally, I couldn't do that to myself," said The Doctor. "Do you know why timelords have two hearts?"

"Since you haven't bothered to tell me, no."

"My race watched everything in the universe. We made sure things went the way they should as far as time goes, which means sitting through every beautiful and terrible thing that ever happened or will. Think about every horrible thing to ever happen just in human history and multiply it by infinity, for the fact that the universe is endless and a timelord can live forever. The emotional strain is huge, which is why we have 2 hearts. The left heart works a lot like the left side of the brain because he talks everything through, while the right heart can convey emotions without words, like through a look or a touch." The Doctor wrapped an arm around each of his hearts. "I need them both just to get through my days, and to attempt a relationship with a mortal and one hearted being would be foolish and destructive to myself. It'd be close to torture."

"This is why timelords only ever mate with their own kind," said Lefty. "There are other beings out their with two hearts but none we're compatible with. Not to mention that having two hearts makes you twice as hard to fall in love with and- and twice as hard to lose." A flicker of sadness appeared on The Doctor's hearts as though a bad memory was being dug up. Lefty resumed his default smirk but Righty gave Amy a sad smile.

"Do you see why now, Amy?" asked The Doctor.

"I suppose." Amy sighed and picked up a piece of paper and fanned herself off. "Guess there's no point in being excited now."

Righty let go of The Doctor and hugged Amy's heart. Amy felt a rush of warmth flow through her as Righty successfully told her nonverbally, "I love you, but as a friend. And I dread the day I'll lose you as though you were my spouse."

"You really are the loneliest man in the universe," said Amy.

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not," said The Doctor. "I have a best friend who's getting married in the morning!" He grinned and flung open the TARDIS doors, ready for the next beautiful thing the universe wanted him to see.

My family is staying longer so I'm still officially on hiatus but I needed to write so bad I typed this whole thing on my phone.

Reviews are wonderful and so are you!


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